We are day two into a new month, and nearly halfway through the year.
What kind of feeling does that evoke in you?
Summertime gives me all these exciting feels. I’m wondering if I can bottle that energy into words, and have it make sense. Sometimes there is nothing sexier than a hot summer day spent in anticipation.
We grow through what we go through. Things still sting and I breathe through it stepping through to the other side of pain.
The more we can step back and observe our own metamorphosis, the better perspective – and ultimately growth we obtain.
It’s been a tricky year navigating all this change as my hobby turned career and while I love every moment of it – finding my footing hasn’t come easy.
Nothing worth it, is ever “easy”. I question my emotions as I navigate through the day.
I am eternally optimistic but there are days when I don’t know quite how it’s all going to come together – and that, my friend, is where faith lies.
I had a vulnerable conversation with my sister about a lot of things recently. We don’t do that very often, it’s not typically a safe space for me (all based on history). I love her, and I value her opinion, we lead two very different lives – but when we meet and connect on a topic that we have in common, I truly value that.
There has been an overwhelming sense of loneliness in the last five years of my life since I’ve been on my own. I am comfortable being alone, and in fact enjoy my alone time very much, but I do want a partner.
It is interesting in every facet of life, how everyone injects their perspective based on their own experiences – and how much that can influence us through our journey (both in a good or negative way).
I had a very close friend who was a coach who helped me a great deal in the beginning of my own journey. I learned a lot both in a positive way and perhaps, what not to do (the recurring theme of my lessons) along the way.
A little more than a year ago, I realized how much her own triggers and own insecurities influence her work. Ultimately, as I became a coach –it led her to cut me out of her life without explanation. One of the things I know now in my journey is that it has nothing to do with me – and knowing that is growth.
It’s very easy for me to sit on the other side of the screen and tell you that you deserve good people in your life who support you and show up for you.
It’s another thing, to embody that practice and lead by example.
One of the things I struggle with is setting healthy boundaries for myself in my relationships. I knew way back when I was married this was a problem for me – but I never knew how to fix it.
More often than not I was waiting to see how my husband (at the time) felt before I knew how I felt – and it took me a lot of work and heartache to realize where that behavior came from, as it was repeating through the only relationship I’ve had since I was married.
I was letting people’s moods affect me, and determine how I was feeling – thus, ignoring all my own needs, wants, and desires.
I don’t think it’s too hard to recognize in a romantic relationship if you’re present. Taking action on changing the pattern takes work, and a lot of communication – and if you’re not with someone who is willing to do the work, it’s not going to change.
The profound conversation I had with my sister gave me a newfound respect for her, honestly. I’ve said it before – I was not made for surface talk. I long for connection, deep conversations, and intimacy. It’s who I am.
I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life – and that has nothing to do with my marital status. I made room for myself. I’m living all my truths – even the crappy ones, and I am ready for the next adventure.
I have hopes for what comes next, a beautiful love story – that I know I deserve after so much pain.
My oldest daughter Emily received recognition for being the first student in history at her school to complete not one, but TWO AP art portfolios her senior year of high school.
We had talked about that all year long, and I never understood the immensity of that until all her hard work was in one place. As her teacher spoke with me about how proud she was of her my eyes welled up with tears. I am so fucking proud of her in so many ways.
I am grateful for the open conversations we have, and the closeness. I am grateful she feels safe enough to come to me with all that she does. I never had that space and I am very proud of myself for being able to provide that to my children.
As I was walking through target, pondering what else might be needed, I glanced passed the graduation wrapping and got a little choked up. My oldest is going off to college in just a few short months. These major life events really make you reflect and take inventory of how fast time actually does progress.
My kids were with their dad this weekend – and I still have a hard time some of those weekends. I am so close with my kids, and I really do miss them when they are gone.
Regret is one of those nonsensical things; do we take that into account as we’re navigating through our day and all those tiny decisions we are making towards our future or only when we are looking in the rearview?
We regret making the leaps we may have been too afraid of taking in the past – only to continue sitting in that contemplation seat for far too long…repeating the same patterns.
I find it fitting that time is my love language and it just makes sense that the only regrets I have in my life are time oriented. I gave too many chances to the situations that didn’t fit my future, and what I deserve. I don’t regret the experiences – cliché as it may seem, they got me to where I am.
I do regret settling for less than I deserve, for longer than I needed to.
People have told me I try too hard to see the good in everyone – but that’s what makes me…me. I don’t plan on giving that up any time soon. Everyone deserves a chance, and the benefit of the doubt.
Our ability to show up and serve the people around you is deeply rooted into the way you love yourself. The way we treat other people is a clear indicator of our own self-love; if everyone makes you angsty – maybe take a peek under the surface and see what’s brewing.
That’s something you’ll never regret – in my humble opinion anyway.
The more we do for others in service, the more we feel fulfilled as humans, the more grateful we feel. I just heard something profound, that hadn’t occurred to me before (even though it makes complete sense) – it’s impossible to feel anger and gratitude in the same breath.
Think about it – and apply it to your own life.
When I look back to gain perspective, I’m grateful for those humble times. I’m grateful for financial struggle – it taught me how to appreciate when things are abundant. I am grateful for the nights I laid in bed with tears flowing down my cheeks, sad that I lost love; it showed me how much love I had within me.
I’m grateful (and this isn’t easy to type) for the hard times in my childhood – it made me a better mother.
Loving yourself and believing in your own worth – owning your story, cutting your own bullshit – all leads to your ability to show up in a bigger way for the people you love.
I know when I first started showing up online and getting visible with my message, it was uncomfortable. I felt all sorts of awkward and unsure of myself. I had to dig a little deeper to get to the root of all that junk — and it was a confidence issue. The more I did the work, the more confident I became.
And here’s the real kicker: The more you serve others and see the impact it can have on them, the easier it gets to be!
Showing up now is easy for me because I know playing small doesn’t help others.
I gotta go all in.
So do you.
Your story matters.
You matter.
Sending you SO much love!
Xo,
Laura
P.S. Coming up this week on the Podcast – Julie and I are talking about not starting fresh – don’t start tomorrow with the leftovers from today. Be sure to check it out on YouTube!
