“I know you thought the breaking was the most painful chapter. It wasn’t. Turn the page. The next part is much longer. It’s the healing. The rise. The comeback. It’s the birth of the new you. And it’s not easy. But you are strong, brave, and worth it.” – Stephanie Bennett-Henry
Be the Pineapple
My kids and I like to try different little experiments sometimes. We’ve been re-growing some vegetable clippings, and decided to try to re-grow a pineapple. It’s been pretty neat!
Did you know a single pineapple takes 18 – 24 months to grow? Often in less optimal environments – it can take three years to grow.
That doesn’t stop the pineapple – the intention is set and it begins its’ journey.
Change isn’t going to happen overnight – but if you don’t do anything now to move forward toward what you want, you may never reach it. So, the time to act, is now.
Life doesn’t always make sense, and we’re challenged in ways we never thought or dreamed possible.
As I continue to move forward in my journey, it “feels” different. I don’t think I have ever felt this aligned or “good” in my life and I know I’ve been saying it a lot lately – and me being the analytical being I am – wanted to know “why.”
I met someone this week at a meetup event, and we were talking about writing/journaling. And she asked me – “what made you want to share your journey with other people?”
When I started this journey – if I could help just one person feel less alone, I did my job.
In reflection back – I always wanted to be a writer. I love to write. Throughout high school I journaled and took extra writing classes. And then my world turned upside down a week before I graduated high school – my dad passed away suddenly, and unexpectedly.
My mother checked out the moment my father was gone (only in later years, I realize…it was really the same, there was just no balance from my dad any longer).
I got involved in a relationship just weeks later, relying on my source for a lot of distraction. That single event changed my life and sent me on a completely different path.
I stopped writing. I started working, going to school. If I reflect from today’s perspective, I was walking through the field trying to find my way, in survival mode. Focusing on my partner, not myself.
Present day, I now notice the similarities of losing myself in a relationship. The goal – not to do that again. And they say we keep encountering the same scenarios over again until we’ve learned our lessons.
I get a lot of messages from men encouraging my story and appreciating my journey. I think many feel that they “know me.” Several offer up a few words “You are a very attractive woman; would you be interested in exploring a relationship with me?.”
More than a dozen guys from my last job have reached out to me in some capacity – via dating apps, Facebook messenger, and text message – seeking opportunities. “I’d totally let you rock my world,” thanks man, appreciate it.
I stopped “looking” but I do notice, as I receive a message – how much that one “act” triggers a feeling – like I’m jumping on a merry go round. But not like…the cute kind with the horses and pretty colors; the kind you find at the park. The hard metal coasting over a dirt patch that you could spin as fast as possible and when you jump off – you have no idea the direction in which you are heading.
That’s probably not a good thing.
I’ve been operating with the idea if I have built a solid foundation for myself, that in the right time when someone enters my life and looks at me in same the way they do the pizza they’ve been craving all week – appreciates my weirdness, my overthinking, and accepts me for who I really am – that I won’t have that urge to jump off the merry go round.
Once I became aware of what was going on in my head, I was able to redirect my thoughts – lose my sense of obligation and stay authentic to myself.
I’m the pineapple. I’m setting my intention for the love I knew I was always meant for.
I pour into you; you pour into me – that’s what I want. Not a ride I need to cling on to the side to make sure I don’t lose my footing.
In both an effort to love myself a little deeper and step outside my comfort zone, I took a great meditation class this week.
As my body melted into the floor, I listen to the prompts guiding me to my light – a thought floats in like a feather, light. Until one small puff of air from my lips sends it on its way.
I let the stillness take over.
I let myself go completely – I felt like I was cemented to the floor.
My mind wanders back to reality for a moment in time “yup I’m still stuck to the floor” then quickly bounces back. It’s been a while since I’ve been that entranced.
In class we were instructed to think of all the areas in our lives – all the roles we play, career, mom, business, romance, etc. – and what state we might feel were in with that particular “area.’
We were instructed to break these items out into three categories – the fast lane, the slow lane, and the flow state.
As I was working through the various areas, one by one I realized how many of them were landing in the flow state. I pondered each one.
The reason I’ve felt SO GOOD is because I am finally in alignment with where I want to be. I’ve finally entered the flow state.
So THAT’S what this feels like. I’ve never felt this before – and believe me, life isn’t perfect. I’m still the mom that might be hangry and lose her shit. I’m still the business owner that might be running ten minutes behind on a meeting I SET! I’m still juggling my finances and re-building. But all those important “things” are flowing exactly the way they should be right now.
I always used to struggle with the action part, or the “push” part. My question to a friend, coach, or therapist often included “I’m not sure if I should back off, change direction, or make it happen at all costs.”
You do nothing (well, not nothing), but you slow down and let it flow. The right answer is coming to you.
It makes so much sense. Stop trying to make things happen. Give it a little love, and watch it grow.
Be the pineapple.
Sending you so much love!
Xo,
Laura
