I have a million and two things to tell you.
The old Laura would have been sitting on the edge of her seat waiting to spill her guts and walk through an analysis of thoughts, actions, and feelings.
What’s different now is that I can wait – knowing nothing must be “in this moment”. Maybe not every detail needs to be analyzed. Maybe (often) if I pause long enough, the details I feel I need to share will work out (as they often do). And when it does, and we are presented with the opportunity, we can reflect on the perspective after with a cup of tea and a calm conversation.
Pour yourself a cup and pull up a comfortable seat.
Have you ever seen the modern family episode where Claire is checking on the family from the airport? She’s ducking in and out on updates for each kid making sure all the things are getting done. (It’s basically one long Apple commercial, but nonetheless).
I had a boss once who would describe me as “the tonic everyone seems to need” and I’ve always thought of that as the compliment of all compliments. But really – all of us moms hone that in our own way.
We are…the finder of all the things.
The peacemaker.
The judge.
The feel betterer.
I never thought it was possible to feel this good, yet remaining as authentic as ever – I’ve been struggling the last few weeks. I’m in uncharted territory as I am truly the busiest, I have ever been in my whole life.
I find myself on autopilot – not totally neglecting myself, but not in any type of balance at all. I found myself in a place of resentment recently and needed to dig into why.
What am I resentful of? Who? And what does this mean for what I am doing?
I kept coming back to the phrase “if I could just press pause on the world around me so I can catch up real quick” and then we can go back to normal.
I give myself grace each day as I step into new territory, understanding growing pains both personally and professionally – knowing I am heading in the right direction. But man, is it hard to let go of “the idea” and trust in myself and the universe.
When I was married, and after my divorce
Maybe I no longer “need” the “busyness” to keep moving.
We don’t grow unless we visit super uncomfortable places – and at times, I feel like I am continually entering one uncomfortable place after another, not even hesitating to open the door having no idea what’s on the other side.
With all of that being said, I have developed some incredibly healthy habits during this process and perhaps that’s where the feeling of uncertainty lies. When we’re focused on one area, we let the others go a little bit while we build and then jump back in where we can manage it all.
I now have a morning ritual that I look forward to each day.
Waking very early, not to tackle a giant to do list – but to fill my heart and head with good things. Continuing to feed my own personal development and spirituality. If you had told me a year ago, let alone a decade ago – I’d be burning Palo Santo every morning while I’m journaling, after meditation but before my affirmations; I would’ve questioned you. But here I am.
What’s next? Ayahuasca? A best friend? Success (duh)? A move? My book?
I am thinking of you and sending you so much love – every single day.
Xo,
Laura
