Finding my tribe
I had something else planned to post today, but I was so inspired I decided to write this, staying true to my authentic self.
I’ve been on my own for five years, and I hadn’t had many single friends during the entire time. It’s been a little lonely, to say the least.
Under the advisement of my therapist five years ago…I joined Meetup and found a few groups to follow. I’m happy to report…in year 4(!) I attended my first (and only) meetup.
Trying to find the right group that fit “me” was difficult. I like hiking but throughout the years have been in different phases of being in shape and I’m sad to say I let that get in the way. “What if I can’t keep up?” was a worry of mine. I looked at book clubs…I don’t know, is that for me? I didn’t want to show up to some event and feel…out of place, so I just avoided it – you know, like any normal person would.
A year ago, I created my own Meetup group. I wanted to meet like minded people, no major negativity – positive people in the same boat. I hosted a few events and didn’t make any real connections, I was busy doing all the things to get my company going, and I let it go, with the intention of revisiting it, when I was in a better place.
I’ve mentioned it a few times recently, I feel like I’ve been grinding for a while. And that’s what we business owners do…but I was always on the other side. The supporter – telling all these business owners to take a break and fill their cup (and I still am) but the role seems to have been reversed. I found myself a little irritated about a month ago and came to the realization that I haven’t been taking enough time for myself.
When my hobby turned to business everything changed, I mentioned it before – I had difficult time “shutting it off”.
In true Laura fashion, I had to ask myself “why” I felt so angsty and it wasn’t hard to come to that conclusion. In the last year, on my weekends off I used my work as an excuse to stay busy. Not forcing myself out of my own comfort zone to go do something (not every weekend alone, but many) – because I didn’t want to do it alone. So, I kept grinding.
But I don’t want to miss out on experiences just because I don’t have anyone to share it with. So…I had to force myself through an uncomfortable place and act. I had the best weekend I have had in a long time.
A good blend of navigating solo and meeting new people. I rebooted my Meetup group – The Self Love Club and had an event this morning. It was nice to connect with new people! Yesterday, I ran some errands, hit up the farmers market (and ran into some old friends), and did my grocery shopping.
Costco isn’t fun on a Saturday – why did I do this to myself? As I was approaching produce, I kept noticing a man and making eye contact. Eventually we wound up in the same area, and he turned around and said “I had to stop you, you are very cute” I said thank you, he smiled and walked away.
That has never happened to me in my whole life, it gave me some mixed feelings. One, it felt good to hear…two, is there someone out there for me?
I was so hurt by my last relationship I think I’ve been using any excuse not to get close to someone – but I really miss having a best friend. But, if I wasn’t really going out how did I expect to meet someone?
I made a declaration to myself a few months ago – to keep an open mind and open heart, and if I hadn’t made any progress in that department by September, I would try an app again.
What takes precedence? Fear or the desire for more. I want a best friend. I deserve a best friend.
With my first meetup in the morning, last night in some random act of bravery I decided to say fuck it and jump in with both feet. Not to be discouraged but with the right mindset, I downloaded an app.
I’m so ready.
So, come into the deep end with me – what are you holding back on? Or holding on to?
Sending you so much love!
Xo,
Laura
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