By the time I got married, my dad had been gone two years. My mother (who had nearly lost her life during heart surgery, just a few months before) danced with me at my wedding to this song… “I hope you dance”. It’s still so very emotional 22 years later, for new reasons as well as old.
There is no preparing you to be a mother (in my humble opinion). Sure, you hear a lot of tips and tricks about getting your baby to sleep through the night, which stroller is the bee knees, having a specific spot for time out, sticking to it – but there’s no preparation for the fact that once you have a child you now wear your entire heart outside your body; every second of the day.
There is so much “letting go” as you move from babies to toddlers, watching them go down the slide by themselves for the first time, your heart in your throat as you watch them climb the monkey bars, ready to catch them when they fall.
If you ever have an opportunity to converse and learn from someone your elder, take it. There is so much wisdom to be shared.
As you walk through the grocery store with your two toddlers hanging off the cart crying and fighting over the selection of treats that enter the cart, a mom – maybe ten years your senior with her teenagers with her lovingly looks at you and says “enjoy it now, it goes by fast” – yeah, thanks lady I want to pull my hair out.
It sure does go by fast – but that comment doesn’t really help when you’re in survival mode.
I wish someone had given me “ideas”. Do this when they turn 10, this is the best place to hike with your ducklings close behind you.
When you’re changing your last diaper – you don’t really know that’s it’ll be the last one (I think I saw that on a commercial somewhere), it’s true.
There is no way that I have a daughter graduating high school tomorrow – I’m not ready yet! I have found myself bursting into tears while driving thinking about holding that tiny face the moment she came into this world, and who she has become. I’m so freaking proud of her!
I’m really hoping that I can get all the crying out of the way before the ceremony, maybe I won’t need so many tissues. I debated just bringing a big box, instead of the pocket packs…maybe put a giant picture of her face on them. Emily rolled her eyes when I asked.
I’m not ready! I still want to push her on the swing. I want to savor those moments she held on to my leg at EVERY SINGLE birthday party she went to for the first five years of her life – I didn’t appreciate it then; I was too preoccupied trying to help her not miss out on the fun.
And in just a few short months she’ll be leaving for college. Not too far – but man, am I going to miss her beyond words. She is my best friend. She is everything to me, and I wouldn’t be who I am today, without her. She made me a better person.
That song rings true now, in this moment. I hope she takes every opportunity to be herself. To be with good people. To smile. To make the mistakes. To grow.
I wish I had been half of the young lady she is, when I was her age. She’s so smart, and really has a great sense of herself. She has come out of her shell this year more than I ever could have imagined. She’s a good friend, she’s funny, and she’ll probably hate that I’m talking about her ;).
How can you not? This is a girl who knows her worth and I’m so grateful I was able to be share life with this beautiful soul.
In every step of this thing we call motherhood – we’re practicing “letting go” – even when we don’t realize it. I’m so excited for her adventure, and to be here to listen to all the things – but how I ask: HOW do you cross that threshold?
Xo,
Laura
