For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to go somewhere and come back different. I was always “too much”.
There will always be things we’re working through, and for me, one of the things that I have concentrated on was my fear of rejection (and knowing when to let go) – in all aspects of life.
But after years of personal growth and realizing I carried into my friendships as well as romantic relationships – I was far too dependent on other people for my own feelings.
I’ve been digging deep down inside my soul for nearly a decade asking myself my “why”. Through therapy, a lot of self-exploration, books upon books, coaches, and writing I’ve discovered who I really am without all the static.
Finding myself worthy of good things, was a challenge for me. Believing that I had something to offer other people, didn’t come natural to me – I certainly wasn’t raised that way.
Coming to terms with the hard truths about myself, was really fucking hard at times.
Making the decision to change, was not.
It took me years to understand that 99.9% of the time, other people’s behavior – has nothing to do with me.
Sometimes I feel like I took the long way home.
Years ago, after my divorce, when I started dating, it was like a roller coaster. It would be a few days or a few weeks of constant and consistent conversation and then poof gone.
I could never figure out why. What did I say? What did I do?
When I made the decision to leave my last job, I didn’t know I would be leaving behind friendships and relationships I thought I’d have for a lifetime.
As I started my own coaching business, I didn’t know I would lose friendships (of fellow coaches) that I had been invested in for nearly a decade. But one day, without a word – they were gone.
When I made a bold move to change my life, I didn’t know family members wouldn’t be there to support my mission and listen when I needed them.
I was so invested in those relationships, and after much work – there is so much more behind the ghost – it’s just not my job to figure it out.
I heard “if it’s meant to be it’ll be” “let go and see what happens” but I literally COULDN’T. It was like I was incapable of letting go. Letting go of my vision, my love, my want and had trouble accepting what was. Holding on tight to things I held with such high value, often at my own detriment.
I struggled to believe that everything would actually work out the way it’s supposed to. I know so many people that target that statement with hate. But’s it’s fucking true.
We can plan…we may arrive to the outcome we wanted…but did it really go according to plan? Or were there bumps and detours and bridges to cross that we hadn’t planned on?
Growth isn’t linear, it never is.
We fall down more often than not and get back up and take another route. We learn and pivot.
No one is coming to save me. No one is coming to save you. You must save yourself. That is your responsibility to yourself.
Time is an expensive lesson. The more time we are spending waiting for people to step up and support us, the more time we waste, the less time we have for the people who are going to be for us without even having to ask.
I pour into you; you pour into me. Go where the love is.
I’m at the edge of evolution…looking towards the light I am stepping into and it’s fucking scary.
But I got this.
Sending you so much fucking love.
Xo,
Laura
P.S.
Let’s grow together!
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