It’s been a minute, I know. Having a creative mind is a bit challenging at times. It’s hard to focus when your heart isn’t into it at the time or focused on something else. I’m still here. I have said this so many times: we are all a culmination of the people we interact with, the acts we witness, the words we read, and the things we do. Every day we collect fragments of experience in every different direction. We are learning, every single day.
I’m not perfect – I know I feel like I can see you saying to yourself “but Laura, that’s not true!” – I assure you, it’s true! 😊
Are we ever 100% fully healed? Moved on from every dent and scratch? Isn’t it kind of like you may have been in a major collision, they’ve taken care of you, did some body work, maybe a realignment, buffed out everything else and gave you a nice, new shine? But isn’t it only a matter of time before your door gets dinged at the grocery store? Or your newly driving teenager gets a little too close to the curb? (this didn’t happen yet, but I feel like it might be in my future…I’ve got three kids)
We start the process again, only this time, we already know which shop to go to, which tools they might start with, how to make the appointment. The parts and pieces you are working on aren’t necessarily the same, or maybe they are. Maybe it’s not quite as bad of a dent than it was before, and it feels a little different. The mechanic is going to give you a rundown of the damage and then their recommendation on how to fix it. It’s a process, it doesn’t happen in an afternoon – it takes time.
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Often when a song really gets me, I can listen to it repeatedly. Predictability is comfortable. No surprises, you know exactly what to expect and rely on. I’m sitting here listening to Post Malone’s Circles on repeat. I love this song.
I do the same thing with movies. In my single life, I have watched the same movies repeatedly – that comfortability in the expectation of what’s next; sometimes, there’s nothing better.
But there we sit, in the same endless circle… nothing changes. We think about it, while we’re lying in bed in the morning, while we’re trying to fall asleep, while we’re driving; sometimes even while we’re sitting there at our desk. Wondering – what’s on the other side of the uncomfortable?
We start dreaming about it. We envision ourselves in that “after” spot, and it feels pretty good. We lost the weight, we ran the race, we found the love of our lives, we had a baby, we got a new job, new car, new house – but where’s the bridge to get there? Is it even possible? I took a leap.
I set some high unrealistic expectations for myself; I hate to admit. We are the hardest on ourselves, and the voice we listen to all day long. I could go on and on about how we should be kind to ourselves (and we should), but I also think there should be a healthier balance of expectations too. It’s how we push ourselves outside the box and make moves.
People are my passion, and I’ve been helping people for years. It’s my drug, truly. When someone needs me to lend an ear and give some insight, it takes practice to not lunge at them in excitement. I think it’s my true calling, but some things have held me back. I’m not perfect. I don’t always have my shit together, who could I be a role model for? I ‘ve always looked up to life coaches, therapists, and the like with rose colored glasses. Over the last year I realized – no one is perfect. No one has ALL their shit together, and the ones who have been through hell and back, are the perfect ones to fill those helper shoes.
The other side of uncomfortable
I’ve embarked on a new journey, and what a humbling experience it has been. I am made for great things. Bigger things. I’ve never really been one to sit still for very long. I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now – the years I started writing from heartache and finding yourself and recovering and moving forward is one of the hardest things you can ever do. I was met with some of the darkest parts of myself as I attempted to make sense of it all, go through the grieving process, all the while trusting that somehow, this was all happening for the good.
Sometimes, that change comes without warning. Sometimes, that change wasn’t your decision. Sometimes, it is. And sometimes…that change is the best change of your life.
I miss the people I poured my whole heart into the most. This heartbreak led me on an intense journey (yet again, another layer if you will). I have faced so many parts of me that needed to be felt, consumed, and then let go, to move forward.
I’ve created a new vision for myself that I have been fantasizing about throughout the years. I can’t wait to share with you, what I’ve been up to – and most importantly, what’s to come. I spent some time the last few months, creating my vision board (some things carried over from my last one), and set up a beautiful space to be inspired everyday. Stay tuned!
Thinking of you, and sending you love XOXO
