To my teenage self, then and now: you’re beautiful just the way you are.

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Transformation Tuesday – Four years ago and present day, still a work in progress

I shared an article on my Facebook page earlier today about judgment. I’ve struggled with this my whole life. Never be anyone else’s judge; the overweight person trying to workout at the gym; trust me it was hard for them to walk in the door, but there they are, working at it.

I didn’t think I ever would share this with anyone, but I finally told my husband about it. If I share it here, maybe it’ll reach the high school girl who struggles the same as I did, and she’ll learn a lot sooner than I did.

I spent much of my high school years starving myself all day. I was so concerned with what people would think of me for so long I wouldn’t eat in front of people. Or if I was in a situation where I couldn’t avoid it, I would eat very little. Sitting there, actually starving so focused on not eating, that I wouldn’t have a good time.
I didn’t want to be judged for eating when I should’ve been “dieting” anyway. I would come home from school with a horrible headache, and then proceed to binge because I was so hungry. Then came the hours of guilt and beating myself up over it. It was a terrible pattern. You never would’ve known that I spent so much time starving myself, I certainly didn’t look like it.
From middle school to high school I agonized so many mornings going to school. I was called so many terrible things, I still don’t know how people could be so mean. I worry as my own daughter enters middle school. There will be something, there’s no avoiding it. All I can do is provide her with the tools to deal with it, and build her up as much as I am capable of; to know that she is a smart, beautiful, young lady with many talents.

I think it sucks that those years you spend in transition, and trying to find yourself and where you belong in the world are the exact years you encounter so much immaturity. It took me years to realize, if someone is mean or has a problem with everything you do, it’s them, not you.  People tend to project their feelings onto others (good or bad).

 

It being transformation Tuesday, I wanted to share some pics of my past, down below. It’s important to me to be a strong, independent, woman. And it’s important for my daughters to see that too. Some of the pictures are really hard to look at to be honest, but I can’t change the past, just accept it for what it is.  And you know what? I was beautiful anyway.

 

XO,

Badass in progress 🙂
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Near or at my heaviest

FullSizeRender (6)After beginning my transformation

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