We all have “stuff”.
I had a friend long ago who I had grown up with through middle school and high school and one day, our friendship just stopped. There was no reason, she stopped returning my calls and then later texts at the time. I never knew why and one day I was at work, and she called (the office) to cancel her service because she was moving. I asked her what happened. She explained that she was moving, and the end of a friendship would be happening anyway, so why prolong it. It took a long time for me to understand that position, not sure that I even still do at this point. Only thing is, I know now in this growth that it had nothing to do with me as a person, it was all her own stuff.
So, I do this thing that I am now aware of, that I put up walls. It’s a defense mechanism. I’m afraid of getting hurt, so unaware I’m evening doing it at the time, I put up a wall, and go “surface”. Some of the people who know me well, never have a wall to break down but the ones I’m unsure of…it can be like slowly chipping away the outer shell before I feel like myself, safe, and comfortable.
I still do that in some of my relationships. It’s something I’m working on. Remembering the growth happens on those days that aren’t so great. I was having an “off” day, a little down and unsure of myself and my place. Sure enough, a conversation begins, I dip my toe in the water… the temperature feels okay so, I let my guard down, and talked, and here I am. It feels better to trust, and let go than it does to walk around in a hard shell – but when you get hurt, you regret keeping your shell intact.
Like I said, I’m working on it.
I posted a picture earlier last week stating that I had begun an Intermittent Fasting lifestyle to my Facebook page…if you aren’t following and would like to, you can do so here:
https://facebook.com/myinnerstruggle
I’m am not on this journey to be a size 2. It’s all about self-love, finding myself, getting healthy, and getting comfortable in my own skin.
A few years back a friend had mentioned he was Intermittent Fasting. He’s always the extreme and I dismissed his weird ways. A little less than a year ago I reconnected with an old friend and she mentioned she was doing the same, though she explained it much better. I began reading and dabbling with the thought of trying it. A few months went by and I was successfully fasting – inconsecutive days with no huge results to speak of. I wasn’t really whole heartedly into it and definitely did not know what I know about it than as I do now.
I began reading a few books that came highly recommended. Some read like a dictionary, others much more real-life explanation and results. I feel like it’s important for you to know, I’m not really a direction reader by any means. I bought a new vacuum yesterday and I opened the box, and began pulling out all the pieces and I said to myself: “if they really wanted you to read the directions on putting this together, wouldn’t they have put them at the very top of the box?!” Is it only me??
So, when I begin something new it’s honestly a little rare for me to research, I dive in (hello, half marathon – I just decided to do it, and work my way backwards). The first book I read was the Obesity Code. This was very informational – almost too much for me. But I did learn a lot of the science behind the idea of fasting and I have to say, it makes a lot of sense. Recently, I completed Delay, Don’t Deny. This was more like a real-life experience, and tied it all together for me.
I have PCOS, and I am insulin resistant. I didn’t discover either of these until I was trying to get pregnant many years ago. I won’t go into all the crappy details of PCOS, but it includes very painful ovarian cysts, hormonal imbalances, and although it’s not an excuse, makes it harder to lose weight – not impossible, just more difficult.
I’ve been doing more research on myself for my own health and from what I have learned, I do believe this is a lifestyle I should further explore. It’s simple – There’s no counting or worrying, and I’m a firm believer of all things in moderation. Concentrate on one healthy option at a time. And if you want to treat yourself to a piece of chocolate or something, just have it in your window.
My Why:
I’ve had a very screwed up relationship with food, I’ll admit. The constant feeling of guilt for eating something “bad”, or cheating on a diet because I didn’t want to miss out. Or strictly depriving myself of something because it doesn’t fit into the plan. I’m working on all of this.
Between the time of having my oldest daughter to after having my son, I successfully lost about 70 pounds, and felt amazing. But what had worked for me in the past, wasn’t this time.
Without going too medical, studies find that the longer your insulin levels are low the more opportunity your body begins to burn fat. So being that said, giving you a simple example – I wake up in the morning and have coffee and breakfast right away, yes it starts my metabolism, however it was jump starts my body to begin producing insulin to regulate, until the next meal and so on. NOTE: I am in no way shape or form, an expert, I am merely sharing with you, the knowledge I have discovered.
All of that aside, during the time I was dabbling with Intermittent Fasting, I was able to break myself from a few bad habits, eating at night being one of them. I have been Closing my “window” as they refer to it by 8pm most nights, sometimes earlier only drinking water or tea (no calories, we’ll talk more about that and the lemon I was using in my morning tea another time) and I don’t break my fast until any time between 11am and 1pm. I feel so freaking good, honestly and that’s reason enough for me to give this my full effort. It fits in my current lifestyle and there’s no extra work, counting, or keeping track of anything involved. It’s simple, if I want something, I eat it in my window. The challenge – don’t eat like an asshole. I have faith that this will be a useful tool in my weight loss journey as a whole.
So many benefits. And just like anything else, it’s not for everyone. It’s nice to delay what you want instead of telling yourself you can’t have it. I am excited to share with you what I learn as I learn it. Whatever you’re doing – as long as it’s not harming yourself or others, I am here to support.
Sending you love
XO
PS if you’d like to see where I started:
