Filling Space
This is my third sequential blog – I typically don’t write in this format, but I am glad you are following along. If you haven’t been, go back a few posts and check it out!
The most important relationship we have in our entire lives – is with ourselves. You are the voice you hear every day, all day long; if it’s not feeding you good thoughts, you’re marinating in negativity.
Between losing my job in January – which was heart wrenching, and little to no emotional support from the man I trusted my heart with, I was eating like an asshole for months. But I decided I wasn’t going to beat myself up over it.
I weigh more than I ever have in my whole life. While I’ve been filling my cup, I’ve always been an emotional eater and it’s probably my biggest battle, you know, other than the whole “confidence” thing. I had gotten myself to a good place, and I will get back there again. It just takes time, healing, and focus.
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How do we fill in the space that’s now void of what once was? We fill our cup. Forget the drinking, mindless sex, emotional eating, harmful behaviors, and thoughts. Start making a list. I’m not kidding – grab whatever is close to you, a notebook, the back of an envelope – write down the stuff you’ve been procrastinating on. No judgement. No negative thoughts about the task. No shoulda, coulda, woulda. Just write them down.
I knocked so many things off my to do list the last few weeks, that I literally couldn’t stop talking about how good it felt. The number of items on it, however, never seems to be going down! Books, research, tasks around the house, things that have been on my list forever. We are what we focus on – and the things we put effort into are the things we are most interested in.
Why do we procrastinate? What is it about the ability to finish things?
I read recently – and it blew my mind: procrastination isn’t necessarily laziness; it’s a behavior (that affects a lot of people around us), caused by stress in our lives or a negative viewpoint we have about ourselves. So, whether it’s our lack of confidence that we could finish, be happy with the result, that other people will believe in us and our ability…the list goes on.
How are you going to get anywhere if you don’t know where you are going? I constantly am checking to see “how much I have left” – whether it be on the treadmill, a book, a movie…how many minutes? How many miles….? how many pages…? How many more pounds?
Can’t all the pain and tears be wrapped up in a few hours like a movie? You begin to decide you’re not sad anymore and able to take life by the horns and by the end of the day you’ve scored a new job, have a solid plan to become debt free, came up with a meal plan to get healthy, made up with your best friend/mom and the man of your dreams bumps into you on the street…and you’re on top of the world! Who do I have to talk to, to get this set up??
There’s nothing wrong with knowing “how many are left” – it can be a good motivator, but if we’re doing it and judging ourselves – we’re never going to get anywhere. Stop the negative self-talk! It’s not worth anything. Stop judging yourself on your progress – if you want to do better…DO BETTER! Accept where you are, take a moment, and then get your ass in gear and go! Believe in yourself!
You are capable!
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Love and gratitude
Grateful for the body I have as amazing as it is, I’m at my heaviest and when I should be the most uncomfortable…I found myself shopping for a…two-piece bathing suit. Who am I??
And here I am, bearing all just to prove it. I f*cling love myself. I do.
I have had a terrible relationship with food my entire life – I am no longer here to beat myself up for everything I eat. I want to enjoy the journey – that’s what living abundantly is all about. Commit to yourself. You deserve this. Focus on how you feel. Hydrate. Focus on how you feel after you eat. Move your body. Enjoy the process. I’m glad I’ll have all of you along with me through this journey!
Starting is something I struggle with – especially if I don’t understand everything that is involved. Sometimes, starting is the hardest part. Sometimes, starting when you know how much further you must go prevents us from moving forward. I am further from my weight goal than I ever have been in my whole life. And while it’s intimidating, I fully accept myself for where I am currently, and looking forward to where I am going.
Let’s go back to your list – what’s on it? What’s holding you back from completing these items? Is it fear? Anxiety? Lack of knowledge? – That’s one of mine, I tend to procrastinate when I really have no idea HOW to do something.
So, what can we do? We learn from asking those questions to ourselves.
What item can we cross off first? Low hanging fruit – tackle that first. That feeling of satisfaction will give you the umph you need to tackle the next task. Start there. Just start.
I was born to love you.
“Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.” – Maya Angelou
It’s never too late to build the life you’ve always dreamed of. A life where you don’t need to escape. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it just has to be yours.
Thinking of you, and sending you love
XOXO,
Laura
