I always crave excitement.
I live in a constant state of distraction, having no set schedule. I am not typically a creature of habit and enjoy doing something different all the time. That being said, I play “let’s make a deal” with myself at least 10 times a day, talking myself into completing my mundane tasks (expectations).
I’ve been in a funk the last few weeks, we all set these expectations for ourselves. Expectations we feel we need to be at our best 100% of the time and nothing ever happens down here in the ordinary, it’s so not true. I’m happy with my losses on the scale but still being pretty hard on myself, just not feeling it. Not feeling inspired and trying to muster up whatever I can to get there. See, I have this hang up sometimes (not all the time); I associate being skinny with being happy (I know, I’ve mentioned this before) – I’ll get back to this.
I woke up with purpose this morning. I felt awake, alive and ready.
I had an awesome session with Amy this morning and we’re working on some major stuff together I can’t wait until the day I can share! It’s VERY exciting!
Okay, back to my hang up. Amy asked me today (we’ve discussed this before) when I was at my thinnest, was I also my happiest? When I was the happiest, where was I with my weight? I didn’t even have to hesitate; the answer was simple.
Two years ago.
Even though I wasn’t my thinnest I felt the most confident, sexy, and happy I ever have in my life. That, I want that. What was I doing at that time? I had been back to work full time, I was working out a bunch, taking care of my body, learning new things and having the time of my life.
My birthday is in three weeks – I’m not positive I’ll make my goal I set for myself – another expectation. But I’m okay with it. I’ll get there, I know I will.
Happiness has been redefined by me, not a number. No expectations. Just love.