It’s a new month, new beginnings – the perfect time for a restart!
You know, there are a million things I want to talk about – there is never a lack of words, really ever – which I am discovering has a lot to do with being an empath, a helper, and wanting to be heard.
I can remember coming home from school probably around Evelyn’s age (8ish) and talking to my mom about my day and she would lovingly reply “Jesus Christ Laura, it’s like you have diarrhea of the mouth”, no wonder I never shut up, longing for someone to listen to me. (Or I just have a lot to say)
As I’ve been writing my book some days, quite feverishly – there are so many memories flooding back from childhood. Albeit I had a turbulent time, it’s made me realize how strong I actually am. I’ve been standing on my own for far longer than I ever realized – and I’m not saying that to prove anything to anyone (other than myself) – but I didn’t have anyone to rely on. I am used to only having myself – and so when it comes to finding a partner, it feels weird quite honestly.
At the latter part of my marriage, I was feeling desperately alone, when my ex-husband would go away on a business trip it felt lighter and I can honestly say now after some perspective it’s because there was no resentment that I was indeed doing it on my own. I didn’t have anyone else to rely on – just me.
Your friends and family may not support your journey – but that has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them.
Just keep growing.
People – your people may feel threatened by change maybe because it may change your relationship but maybe more so because it makes them look at themselves too. Change is uncomfortable.
Writing this book has been my way of coaching myself through change as well. It’s been years in the making, and I’ve done so much digging. There was so much unacknowledged pain living inside me for years. This book, and the process, has helped me move forward.
Alright, enough seriousness.
Just after I turned 40, I went for my first Brazilian Wax. I was so nervous but also very intrigued. It’s something that I really wanted to try for a long time, but I was super self-conscious and too embarrassed to find out what it was all about.
I got the name of a trusted woman who waxes from a friend and made my appointment for the next day. Just like any other nerve inducing activity the anticipation was far worse. Alright, laying on the table naked from the waist down had its flashback moments to childbirth but there weren’t any major sleepless nights coming after this (well, the bad kind anyway).
Why am I bringing this up now? I just went the other day for my monthly maintenance (it had been way longer, don’t ask) and was reminiscing with my wax girl. We talk about everything; I can’t imagine the dirt she gets told in that room over and over all day long. That’s a lot of vaginas, and information.
I’ve been working on my relationship with food for the past few months and I am so happy so I’m currently down twenty pounds! My mobility last year became nearly non-existent as I was battling horrible bursitis in my hip/back. Now, after working with Jay (my coach) the last few months I have gained so much movement and balance back into my body!
Working out CONSISTENTLY has been something I have been dragging my feet on, and I know that I’ll feel better once I am back in the game.
One thing I love about my BFF is that I can pretty much say anything I need to – and she knows the same. She’s the one I’ll call when I slip in the shower, confess when I do a dirty deed…or deliver my good wax story to.
Wednesday morning, I woke up and my abs were so sore. I knew instantly why – and couldn’t wait to make her laugh. It’s like a guessing game – “I’m trying to remember what you did yesterday…. yeah, I don’t know why do you think?” Yeah, it’s because I had to hold my legs up for my wax – and the next day my abs were sore. We both died laughing and then I promptly said – okay enough bullshit, it’s time to really workout (also queue like a million jokes about not holding my legs up for anything else lately- it’s who we are ).
Fun, right? Can’t you imagine having me as your entertainment all the time?
I have scars because I have a history.
Some people love me, some like me & some don’t.
I have done good, and I have done bad.
I am random & silly but caring and loving.
I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not.
I am who I am, you can love me or not.
And if I love you, I do it with all my heart.
I am no apologizes for who I am…And I won’t be who you want me to be…I am happy just being me.
I am flawed.
I am proud.
Thinking of you, and sending you love! 🙂
xo,
Laura
