Balance

Guided meditation has been one of those tools I’ve learned along the way and has helped me tremendously along with a few others.

I wouldn’t be where I am today without all those tools.

When faced with a large decision, how do you know when you’re pushing too hard?

Are you…”it’ll all workout the way it’s supposed to” person or are you a “exhaust all my options before I realize I need to change direction” person?

A few years back I attended a workshop with Amy Arvary and a few other key players – the meditation was focused on our future self. At the time, I never would have imagined where I would be today.

I was in an unhappy marriage with no real plans of exit, wasn’t loving the job I went to on a daily basis, frustrated in my current position but optimistic about what the future may hold. I had an idea of what I wanted my end goal to be, but no real idea on how I would be getting there.

I started this blog five and a half years ago – and twenty thousand page views later, I still haven’t given up what i hope it to be some day.

Back to that chilly fall evening listening to Amy describe the steps I took to climb my mountain and what I was looking at when I opened the door to my house… still very vivid in my mind.

As I faced my future self – a way happier version of my then self. Hair up in a messy bun, glasses, white tank top, and in a beautiful white kitchen cooking and taking photos.

I remember asking myself “is he here?” – she replied yes. That was really the only question I walked away with – who was “he”? At the time, was I talking about my husband? My dad? A higher power? A lover?

There are a lot of things I love about that entire scenario; my smile, the confidence I carried, and when I walked into that house I literally felt like it was mine. I did that, all on my own.

In recent months, I began the process of trying to buy my own house – something I really never thought would be possible. I felt reserved and nervous about it – and I’m not out of the woods yet. I think this is the hardest part about being on my own – there’s no one to weigh my decision with.

I’m going to be 39 in a few weeks – and I still wish I had my dad around to help me as if I’m 17 all over again.

So…that big decision; how do I know what the right one is? Is it the one with the least resistance? I know it’ll workout however it’s supposed to in the end, and I’m not going to let it consume me (thanks Beth) – but it’s a big deal.

I never would have imagined I’d be where I am today, in this very moment. I’m the happiest I have been in my whole life and it literally has nothing to do with anyone other than myself. I’m alone, and I’m happy – albeit tired(!) but happy.

I do wish to eventually have a partner to share my life with but he’ll walk in when the moment is right, and won’t let go.

I’ve been super busy trying to get myself into a more financially secure position to build my future with my children. I’ve been working tirelessly to reach those smaller goals I set for myself, and I have come to realize how much I need that balance back in my life.

For months I’ve had my head to the grindstone, and had very little time to look up and see what’s all around me. I think that’s kind of normal, when you’re crushing a goal.

I began guided meditation nearly four years ago with Amy Arvary. Again, it’s a tool I refer back to when I need it. I think maybe it’s time again, to get back to practice. I deserve to get re-centered everyday. It helps tremendously with stress, and helps me let go all of those things I have no control over.

Working out is another tool – I’ve been exercising sporadically. I feel like my days take off with no warning and I can’t quite grasp anything and before I know it, the entire day has gotten away from me and I’m utterly exhausted.

So, here I am just like when it all started – continually trying to find that life balance. Things are changing around us more than they stay the same – I’m adjusting constantly to my new life; and Covid hasn’t helped things. As a single working mom with three kids – I sometimes need a time out.

I’ve actually grown to thoroughly appreciate those few moments to myself when not that long ago I dreaded them. If we ever return to normal I want to go on more adventures, and do things I’ve never been able to do. So for now, I just keep pointing myself in that direction.

As for the house, maybe it’s time for a pros and cons list, as soon as I have all the facts in front of me.

It’s a Sunday night, in a new month – a fresh new beginning at everything we want. What do you want? What does it look like?

Thinking of you, and sending you love.

You may also like...

error

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)