Guided meditation has been one of those tools I’ve learned along the way and has helped me tremendously along with a few others.

I wouldn’t be where I am today without all those tools.

When faced with a large decision, how do you know when you’re pushing too hard?

Are you…”it’ll all workout the way it’s supposed to” person or are you a “exhaust all my options before I realize I need to change direction” person?

A few years back I attended a workshop with Amy Arvary and a few other key players – the meditation was focused on our future self. At the time, I never would have imagined where I would be today.

I was in an unhappy marriage with no real plans of exit, wasn’t loving the job I went to on a daily basis, frustrated in my current position but optimistic about what the future may hold. I had an idea of what I wanted my end goal to be, but no real idea on how I would be getting there.

I started this blog five and a half years ago – and twenty thousand page views later, I still haven’t given up what i hope it to be some day.

Back to that chilly fall evening listening to Amy describe the steps I took to climb my mountain and what I was looking at when I opened the door to my house… still very vivid in my mind.

As I faced my future self – a way happier version of my then self. Hair up in a messy bun, glasses, white tank top, and in a beautiful white kitchen cooking and taking photos.

I remember asking myself “is he here?” – she replied yes. That was really the only question I walked away with – who was “he”? At the time, was I talking about my husband? My dad? A higher power? A lover?

There are a lot of things I love about that entire scenario; my smile, the confidence I carried, and when I walked into that house I literally felt like it was mine. I did that, all on my own.

In recent months, I began the process of trying to buy my own house – something I really never thought would be possible. I felt reserved and nervous about it – and I’m not out of the woods yet. I think this is the hardest part about being on my own – there’s no one to weigh my decision with.

I’m going to be 39 in a few weeks – and I still wish I had my dad around to help me as if I’m 17 all over again.

So…that big decision; how do I know what the right one is? Is it the one with the least resistance? I know it’ll workout however it’s supposed to in the end, and I’m not going to let it consume me (thanks Beth) – but it’s a big deal.

I never would have imagined I’d be where I am today, in this very moment. I’m the happiest I have been in my whole life and it literally has nothing to do with anyone other than myself. I’m alone, and I’m happy – albeit tired(!) but happy.

I do wish to eventually have a partner to share my life with but he’ll walk in when the moment is right, and won’t let go.

I’ve been super busy trying to get myself into a more financially secure position to build my future with my children. I’ve been working tirelessly to reach those smaller goals I set for myself, and I have come to realize how much I need that balance back in my life.

For months I’ve had my head to the grindstone, and had very little time to look up and see what’s all around me. I think that’s kind of normal, when you’re crushing a goal.

I began guided meditation nearly four years ago with Amy Arvary. Again, it’s a tool I refer back to when I need it. I think maybe it’s time again, to get back to practice. I deserve to get re-centered everyday. It helps tremendously with stress, and helps me let go all of those things I have no control over.

Working out is another tool – I’ve been exercising sporadically. I feel like my days take off with no warning and I can’t quite grasp anything and before I know it, the entire day has gotten away from me and I’m utterly exhausted.

So, here I am just like when it all started – continually trying to find that life balance. Things are changing around us more than they stay the same – I’m adjusting constantly to my new life; and Covid hasn’t helped things. As a single working mom with three kids – I sometimes need a time out.

I’ve actually grown to thoroughly appreciate those few moments to myself when not that long ago I dreaded them. If we ever return to normal I want to go on more adventures, and do things I’ve never been able to do. So for now, I just keep pointing myself in that direction.

As for the house, maybe it’s time for a pros and cons list, as soon as I have all the facts in front of me.

It’s a Sunday night, in a new month – a fresh new beginning at everything we want. What do you want? What does it look like?

Thinking of you, and sending you love.

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