“Happy looks good on you” – no joke I heard that today. And I was taken back but then realized, yup this is how it feels. I’m happy. I’m not happy all the time. I don’t know anyone that is – but I’ll be the first to admit it. I’m not happy with my body, or my children’s behavior, my financial status, the mess in my house – but those are all just circumstances. Not “me”. I’ll probably repeat myself a little in this blog, just go with it – it’s all for good reason. I have to repeat things to myself. All. Day. Long.
It’s funny how all the pain you go through is all just a lesson. It’s just a lesson. Interactions with others help us to see the faults in us. Step back and look at the bigger picture. My face is the face of someone with anxiety. I had major anxiety (ha-ha) about sharing that. But this journey isn’t about me, it’s about doing anything I can to help someone else. So, not that it’s ever really been a secret to my regular readers, but there it is depression, anxiety, all of it.
It’s so cliché but so true – “Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth. I battle with this on a daily basis.
I take pride in my work, I know what value I add in both relationships and my professional life. If someone else fails to see that – that’s their fault not mine and they are the ones missing out on all my good parts.
I saw a t-shirt online and immediately sent it to a friend, on it said “hang on – let me overthink this” – and that’s so me. I’ve been reading a lot on other people’s behaviors and how I let it affect me. Setting free the behaviors of others, not taking it to heart is a practice for me and how they treat me literally has nothing to do with me. They are stuck in their own unhappiness, nothing I say or do will change that. Letting go has been a process, let me tell you.
We all deal with life differently but our roots are so similar. Some medicate with stuff, buying possessions to fill a void; others fill it with food, some drink, the list goes on. But those things are all temporary. Once that thing has been purchased, used, that feeling goes away until you fill the void again. Happiness comes from within. I can’t make anyone happy – I can certainly add to their joy but i can’t be responsible for anyone else’s happiness nor can i leave my own in anyone else’s hands.
The whole “My Inner Struggle” is so very much more than losing weight – it always has been.
My face is the face of someone with anxiety. Who knew? I didn’t. I didn’t know my constant worry, obsessive behaviors, and struggle were a part of that. Today is Mental Health Awareness Day. I didn’t ever know it was a thing, and I don’t know if having “a day” makes anyone more aware or not, and will all those people that made a fuss over it today, be talking about it tomorrow? I know that there’s not one person in my life that hasn’t suffered from anxiety or depression at some point in their life. I’m here to tell you, there are tools available to help with this. Some of us need more help than others.
I am not a fan of medicine. I’ve had this talk about depression with my doctor more than a few times. She reads my blog, we talk about kids, and husbands, and diets and I love her. She feels the same way I do about medicine, she knows what to say to me when she comes in the room and I look at her and I can’t speak without choking up – and I say “I can’t”. She says “Laura, you can. What’s going on with the blog? I haven’t seen anything. Are you working out? What’s going on with work?”. Get to the root of the issue. What can you change? The way you think about everything. It’s that simple (and difficult). Instead of “work sucks”, be grateful – I’m grateful I have a job so I can provide food, and do fun things with my kids.
I have no control. The only thing I have control over is myself and my own actions. I’m not saying I don’t freak out or get mad because I certainly do – just ask my husband lol
But it happens a lot less – I feel lighter. Taking time out for yourself – don’t roll your eyes! All you moms (and dads) who read my blog know I day it all the time. And I, myself suffer from not taking a few minutes for myself everyday – I think we have all five minutes to spare. Put your phone down, close your eyes, and just breath. I do it in my car a lot. I arrive somewhere a few minutes early, just breath.
When I don’t take the time out, I’m a different person and before you know it days and weeks have gone by and I’m super grumpy until I realize why. You need to practice self-love every single day.
A few weeks ago, I was able to attend a conference that Amy was speaking at and one of my tasks was to speak with the individuals wanting to know more. I asked her a series of questions and inquired about what is troubling her. She looked down and said “depression”. Why are we so embarrassed? Speak up! Get help, get a hobby, spend time on you! Tonight, I’m off to Yoga, one of my favorite things to do and it makes me a better person for going.
It’s ok if you don’t know what you want tomorrow, or the next day or next year or in ten years. Love every day with love and gratitude and it’ll all fall into place. Create a life you love without limit. Here’s to being worthy of love; of receiving love and more importantly – loving yourself.
I am so immensely grateful for all these amazing people in my life.
Today, and every day – thinking of you and sending you love.