What is it about space and time apart that makes it weird? That you have start over each time? Tip toeing forward until you can let your guard down and then relax.
Trusting my own struggle, everyday.
I started writing Friday and then again Saturday but never got back to it. Day one spring break in the books. Getting my shit together one day at a time.
I’ve been knee deep in clothes while changing out everyone’s spring stuff, switching out sizes, and shopping.
So, the other day, I’m walking around the backyard with my littlest and thinking about how when my older two were this small I’d be in the backyard “playing” with them but really just following them around looking around for a seat. I had no energy. I constantly have to remind myself where I came from to where I am now to give my the mojo to move forward.
I’ve lost then gained, then lost, then gained so many times in the past year. It’s all part of the struggle. I’ve tried counting calories, counting colored containers, I’m not a big fad dieter and I’m cheap, I won’t pay a bunch of money for a “diet”. I prefer living my real life. It’s too short, everything in moderation, working hard.
With that being said, just two years ago I was in a size ten, and quite happy with my progress. After knowing no spring clothes I had at home were fitting, I embarked on a Capri finding journey and it could’ve easily ended in tears. Nothing worked. I felt discouraged and annoyed. I didn’t even care about going up a size or two just so something would fit. But no, I’ve always had this problem with pants, thinner or not. And it’s annoying.
In the coming weeks I’ll begin a nutrition challenge at crossfit. It couldn’t have happened at a better time. I’m not anticipating losing a bunch of weight in those six weeks, I’m looking forward to the learning experience. Finding some tools I can carry with me for the rest of my life. I was able to accomplish on my own (a nearly 60 pound weight loss) in the past, I’m just not there right now. Nutrition is so much harder for me than working out. I love working out, but I love food too.
When I began my transformation years ago, I was so focused, only had one kid and devoted my time to the gym and eating healthy. I think I’m calling bs on my own statement, insinuating that I don’t have time to eat healthy. Because I do, it just takes preparation. And…if it mattered enough I would MAKE the time for it to be a priority. That’s why this challenge is so great, weekly check ins and some friends are doing it with me, so I’ll be surrounded. So at the end of those six weeks if I’ve lost three pounds but I’ve got my focus pants on, I’ll be a happy girl!
I’m a week out from my half and getting a little anxious!
Check back soon!