Is it “okay” to be disappointed? A Mother’s Day tribute.
I have distant memories of mother’s day as my babies were born and small. How special it felt at Mother’s Day tea (even though I was in my awkward mom stage). The handmade cards, the super squeezy hugs, and tiny fingers wrapped around a beautiful bouquet of dandelions and grass – all things we reflect back on, and wish we could preserve in the moment. Please God, don’t ever let me forget those special moments, and the ones I have yet to make.
Mother’s Day (any holiday really) is so much different now. I am seven years apart from my old life, and yet…that loss still stings. I think it’s more the “idea”, because it didn’t really fit, but the memories (good, bad, indifferent, or lack thereof) live on – whether we want them to, or not.
They say unsaid expectations are the biggest failure in relationships – which I happen to personally believe. If we’ve never clearly communicated our expectations – how could anyone (in any circumstance) live up to them? How could they ever succeed?
And on this day, in this existence of mother’s day – do we have to tell the people we love what we expect? Or where does this reality of someone doing something for you out of the goodness in their soul just exist? Is it always temporary?
I was so hopeful as the week went on how good mother’s day would be. We decided on the perfect spot for breakfast, and I envisioned the afternoon in my garden. Planting and pulling weeds in the sunshine. The reality? Very different.
I woke up to one cranky kid, that multiplied into two cranky kids. The perfect spot we picked wasn’t possible, and we had a time crunch.
Who is mother’s day really for?
Are we celebrating moms, and all that they have done and sacrificed for us? Are we honoring the other women in our lives that just deserve recognition and appreciation or are we checking off an obligation box?
A friend and idol of mine texted me a Mother’s Day message and wrote this (I don’t think she would mind me sharing):
“…I hope you treat yourself like the conquering queen you are. A Mother’s Day validation gift story just for you…
At a chamber event, a veteran from your industry asked me what’s Laura’s magic? I want to know how she’s become so successful so quickly. I leaned in and said: authenticity, accessibility and a willingness to be vulnerable with her audience – no intimidation factor, no fluff…she knows the woman she wants to be and works at it in spite of her baggage and that is her superpower. Keep doing you!!!”
I read this as I just arrived home with two not so little littles in tow, about to let the tears flow from the morning events.
This message was received at exactly the right moment. I was just about to feel sorry for myself. I read it and put my phone down. I was about to pull out my journal and stopped myself to just let it sink in just a little bit more. Then I put my head in my hands.
In this past week, during my card pulls I have pulled the three of swords – 4 times! There is so much pain in the image, and the moment I see it, it’s a reminder. I’m still processing so much at every layer.
It’s not about the gifts, it’s about the showing of appreciation.
I constantly feel like I’m giving and doing for my kids, and as silly as it sounds (even to me) it’s like the one time of year that you’re almost required to show that appreciation. Without even realizing it, I’ve already set the tone for my own expectation – yes, I expected something beautiful. I’m not talking about gifts, I’m talking about time and nice gestures.
And I felt…invisible.
And if I spent seventeen years with the man who kind of did the same thing every holiday…how can I not say something to my own children?
Mom requires a little love too.
I felt so silly even sharing this – I felt like a brat sharing it with a few friends who would listen. I don’t believe we shouldn’t be celebrated. I only hear that from jaded people. Birthdays that get overlooked, accomplishments that go unnoticed – if we aren’t going to celebrate ourselves, who is?
Maybe that’s why the three of swords keeps finding me lately — not because I’m broken, but because there are still parts of my heart asking to be acknowledged.
I think what I’m learning is that two things can exist at once: gratitude and disappointment. I can love my life deeply and still acknowledge the places that hurt. I can be thankful for my children, my freedom, my growth, my home…and still grieve the moments I wish felt softer, easier, more intentional. Maybe healing isn’t pretending we don’t feel hurt. Maybe it’s allowing ourselves to feel it without building a home there. So tonight, I’ll water my flowers, hug my babies, and remind myself that the love I keep searching for in everyone else…is something I also have to keep giving to myself.
I think it’s time we tell ourselves – we need nothing else but that moment to be happy.
My vision for my future, guides my present actions. I choose my own happy, every day.
XO,
Laura
