Unstuck
A few weeks ago, I was feeling a bit stuck. I continually redirect my thoughts, say my affirmations, but the past kept presenting itself in my brain (less than before, but I was tired of the thoughts creeping in).
As I was navigating my way through moving forward into uncharted territory I pulled out a card – Angel of Truth.
“It may seem like the whole world wants to believe in a lie, and so you wonder if you are crazy, if you are the only one who is thinking differently and desiring the real story to emerge. Yet those that fight against the truth are even more in need of it! There can be no healing, no freedom, no moving on without it. You are going to be blessed with a truth revealed, a realization about yourself, the world or others that will bring you relief. It will happen at the right time. It will set your soul free.
I haven’t been “on it” lately and I feel it in every part of my body. It’s been weeks since I stepped into the studio, it’s been a half ass morning routine (that I know does me so well!). I reached this point last week where I felt angst. Annoyed at myself. I haven’t been treating my body very kindly, I haven’t been nourishing my soul as I should. I felt like a hamster on a wheel…going around and around and not stopping for anything good.
Then I got sick. It’s no wonder and over the last few years, I strongly believe when we get sick, it’s because there is nothing else that is going to stop us in our tracks.
I started feeling discouraged, like I’m failing at being a mom, at life, in business, etc. Stuck. Why do I let myself get to this point? A few weeks of neglect will do that to you – but is this part of the plan? Do we need to “feel this” every so often to remind us of how bad it used to feel, and how good the good really is?
When I made the bold decision to leave my marriage, I also left behind any real resemblance of family tradition I had. Five years later, I still struggle to find a new “normal” for myself.
I think for someone who hasn’t been through it, it’s hard to understand what it might feel like. Some may see it as a careful opportunity, others may see loneliness, and still others may see it as
I’ve had this urge to hide somewhere and write. Finish my book.
I think I’m manifesting my “holiday era” – one of my favorites! I want to spend the holiday surrounded by total strangers, in good conversation with lots of perspective to share with one another.
I want that to be my new “normal”. I want to choose to spend time with people who choose to spend the time with me equally in love, friendship, and community – not out of obligation.
“Family” is such a funny thing when it comes to holiday obligations. Why do we feel so guilty about not spending that time with those who were tied to merely by blood over the ones who are here for us every day?
After spending so many years in what has felt like isolation…I’m beginning to operate on the mindset of…your family is who you decide it to be. Those who that are related to me haven’t been there for me in my time of need. They know nothing of the loneliness that I have endured, and possibly because they are too busy with their own stuff, which is fine but the kind souls who listened and offered hugs when I felt my lowest, are the ones I want to spend my time with.
I celebrated my 43rd birthday yesterday, and for me – my birthday is the beginning of my “new year”. It’s when the clock resets and I set new goals for myself. I am excited for all the possibility that lies ahead for me. I’m excited and refreshed and ready! I’m filling my own cup this weekend in every possible…given my current circumstances.
I began my 43rd year working on my vision board, which I had been trying to get to. I am so happy with it, I love it in fact. I can’t wait to see what this year brings, the endless possibilities that lie ahead.
I will continue to share my truths – the good, the bad, and the ugly in this next year.
I am sending you SO MUCH love!
Xo,
Laura
