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Soul searching the last few days, sometimes that blends right into night; the stillness when you’re lying there awake wondering until 2am. Wondering how you arrived where you are now, how all those tiny moments, tears, laughs, smiles, all wrapped into one big ugly cry.

A few blogs ago, I mentioned my new mantra for letting go, growing, and moving forward: I live my life in abundant love.

I’m going to talk about the things I am grateful for instead, because it’s easy to talk about all the negative stuff but then we leave the conversation in that negative space.

It’s much easier to love people than it is to hate people – there’s always more room for love. To quote a current influence in my life: “Better to let it go and just eliminate hateful people from your life”

A list of things I am grateful for today:

  • I lost a pound this week
  • My kids are eating taco flavored potato chips on the couch (and that’s okay!) – I’m winning as a mom today
  • My strength to move forward alone
  • Avocado toast
  • Insightful conversations with friends
  • Funny things my children say during quarantine:
    • “Hanitizer” (hand sanitizer) – Evelyn
    • “It’s so close to the weekend, it feels like Monday” – Matthew
    • “Could you imagine actually living in the Barbie Dream House?” – Emily
    • “Stapleizer” (stapler) – Evelyn
    • “Mom, I have a name for a dog’s radio station – slick licks” – Matthew

I live my life in abundant love.

Letting go of control and just living in the moment – is difficult sometimes. Trying to take control over something you have no grasp on just leaves you spinning in circles.

Let me share with you this amazing visual I had during guided meditation this evening: Walking along a vast sandy beach with the sun warming my skin, I reach the dunes with three horses in front of me. All very gentle spirited, but different. One mostly brown with a few white spots, one completely black with a shiny coat, and one white with many small brown spots on it. I approach the black horse in the middle, our eyes lock and I hold out my hand. The horse doesn’t back away and I reach around to stroke is mane as I walk to the side. I get on it’s back and without hesitation it begins walking, then running.

I’m riding, and I have absolutely no control where I am going. I’ve let the need to know, go. I’ve let my agenda for my day slip behind me. And I just ride, my hair blowing in the wind, and the fresh salty air hitting my face. Letting go of control and living my life in abundant love.

I feel as though I’ve been hiding behind a cloud, when I have so much light to share.

Thinking of you, and sending you love.