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Setting Expectations
If someone doesn’t know what is expected of them, they will always fail in any relationship.
I had the biggest urge to call my mom today. This will be another one of those raw and honest posts; buckle up.
It’s been four years since I started this blog. If you’d like to look at where I began you can do so here:
Some of my first posts were hard to share (sometimes still are), but it was a very strange time for me. I had just lost my mother unexpectedly, had a baby, and my job that I loved, where I spent most of my day, was crumbling around me.
180 posts later…and here I am. Hard to believe.
Being in this space of improving oneself, what is my contribution? Where do I fit in? Where do I expect to fit in?
Friday night i got a call from a current influence in my life. He’s made an impact and he probably doesn’t even realize it. I was talking about meeting people/dating and joked I apparently have a type – emotionally unavailable. His response was immediate and so uninhibited: “that’s because you don’t think enough of yourself and what you contribute. Once you do, you’ll find the one that deserves you and all you have to offer.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. You’re right. The truth is, as long as I can remember I never felt like I had anything to contribute, to anyone honestly. I know that sounds terrible.
I conducted some field research in basically the only way possible at the moment – I posted on Facebook. The friends who chose to answer are exactly in alignment of what I feel strongly about. It is my virtue in life to help people.
Instead of focusing on all that I am not, this is what I am:
I am the nonjudgmental ear.
I am the one people call when they need light.
I am the one cheering the loudest on the sideline.
Knowing what and who I am and fully accepting that – whatever that may be.
The ones who I so desperately try to seek the reaction, the love from – don’t value my light. Don’t can’t or won’t appreciate who I am and that’s their loss – not mine.
My tribe will appreciate and value me for who I am and what I do bring to the table. I’ve been waiting in the wrong line this whole time. Love me, while I’m still here.
I spent a lot of years trying to figure out where I fit in. The whole being “good enough” for…whatever it may be. Waiting for a reaction that I’m desperately seeking. Setting my own expectation but not reaching it.
How many times do you get knocked down before you realize this isn’t working for me?
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Sending you so much love
XO