If someone doesn’t know what is expected of them, they will always fail in any relationship.
I had the biggest urge to call my mom today. This will be another one of those raw and honest posts; buckle up.
It’s been four years since I started this blog. If you’d like to look at where I began you can do so here:
Some of my first posts were hard to share (sometimes still are), but it was a very strange time for me. I had just lost my mother unexpectedly, had a baby, and my job that I loved, where I spent most of my day, was crumbling around me.
180 posts later…and here I am. Hard to believe.
Being in this space of improving oneself, what is my contribution? Where do I fit in? Where do I expect to fit in?
Friday night i got a call from a current influence in my life. He’s made an impact and he probably doesn’t even realize it. I was talking about meeting people/dating and joked I apparently have a type – emotionally unavailable. His response was immediate and so uninhibited: “that’s because you don’t think enough of yourself and what you contribute. Once you do, you’ll find the one that deserves you and all you have to offer.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. You’re right. The truth is, as long as I can remember I never felt like I had anything to contribute, to anyone honestly. I know that sounds terrible.
I conducted some field research in basically the only way possible at the moment – I posted on Facebook. The friends who chose to answer are exactly in alignment of what I feel strongly about. It is my virtue in life to help people.
Instead of focusing on all that I am not, this is what I am:
I am the nonjudgmental ear.
I am the one people call when they need light.
I am the one cheering the loudest on the sideline.
Knowing what and who I am and fully accepting that – whatever that may be.
The ones who I so desperately try to seek the reaction, the love from – don’t value my light. Don’t can’t or won’t appreciate who I am and that’s their loss – not mine.
My tribe will appreciate and value me for who I am and what I do bring to the table. I’ve been waiting in the wrong line this whole time. Love me, while I’m still here.
I spent a lot of years trying to figure out where I fit in. The whole being “good enough” for…whatever it may be. Waiting for a reaction that I’m desperately seeking. Setting my own expectation but not reaching it.
How many times do you get knocked down before you realize this isn’t working for me?
Sending you so much love