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I broke and cried the ugliest cry this morning. I tend to carry a lot on my shoulders and I just couldn’t anymore. I’m overwhelmed. I slept terrible last night (or didn’t sleep really). I did my respective drop offs, came home cried out my ugly cry and jumped in the shower.

We all have the same 24 hours in a day, how you choose to use it, is up to you.  I know I am my own worst critic but I feel like I’ve lost all control. My eating has been absolutely terrible; I haven’t been working out as much. I know what I am doing and what I should be doing; the question is, what am I not doing it? I’m worth more, so much more than I am putting myself through.


I’m just not feeling like my normal self and my confidence has seemed to be hiding somewhere the last week or so. I know what I want, why can’t I get there? Baby steps, I did my prep this week.  That’s one.

I just need to keep pushing (this is my pep talk for myself).  Just keep swimming. It’s so much easier to help someone else than it is to help yourself.

I was dreading my appointment at the surrogate’s office this morning, I am sure that didn’t help things.  Makes everything feel kind of final, even though it has been for quite some time. With Evelyn’s first birthday I just feel sad that my mom isn’t here to see her and what a fun little person is – this was her favorite age, she loved babies.


We all need reminders.  Reminders that we’re thought of, appreciated, loved, and it wouldn’t hurt to hear a compliment once in a while ;). I think I’m just feeling underappreciated lately, not one specific source but in general. I do a lot, we all do.  But sometimes you need to hear it; and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.


Here’s my updated progress pic for September.  Not much has changed but still, so much happier, healthier then I was those few years ago!


I promise I’ll be more motivatey tomorrow 🙂